Friday, November 16, 2007

welcome gang members

the word on the street is -and by that i mean the local print shop...they are actually a good source of info. anyone who prints up a flyer comes through there and gossips...aldermen, schools, garage sales, local business owners, so when i say word on the "street" it may bring up images of me going into some local dive bar or giving some wino a bottle of thunderbird for info on who stabbed a hooker, but it's really just me faxing something and hearing the print shop laugh about the problems of others...but it's no less effective.

ehm...word on the street is that a vicious street gang "the Latin Kings" in annexing this little white trash area.  which is GREAT news for me.  ONE it finally give the local police something to worry about besides my not registered el Camino and whether or not i can keep a acetylene torch in my garage...i can by the way. but these guys were almost to the point of harassing me...i got stopped and questioned in the parking lot of the gym while talking on my cell phone last month...

"you look suspicious"  

"the parking lot is empty ...what did you suspect i was doing, staking out my turf to steal a car stereo when it fills up?" 

that exchange got me a pat down and a threat of being taken in...which lead to another exchange in which i made the guy look like a dope in front of the second squad that pulled up to see what was going on.  so you see that a gang war could really help free up alto of MY personal time.  like I've mentioned before, i look like a lowlife because I CAN it's one of the few benefits of not having a real job- no health care, but if i get bored shaving i can just go do something else and shave the other half some other time.

My first clue that something new was going on law enforcement wise was while at the gas station i saw a cop fill up two BIG mugs of coffee.  i didn't know that they were riding in pairs now, so i said "i didn't know you guys were riding in pears now". To which he responded "we aren't...still one per squad car". just what i need, a local police officer with 128 ounces of coffee in his system.  but i learned that day from my "sources" that the Latin kings had moved in.  good for them, this area is prime real estate...lots of poor white trash people = potential drug buyers and a police force that is unprepared for actual crime.  they are gonna have to get it together pretty quick, the Latin Kings are going to be a huge change from some guy with a mullet beating his dog at 6:00 am.

another benefit will be that all the little drug dealers will be closed down and there will be a central location.  i will be able to walk around knowing which porch to avoid.  up to this point you see a guy sitting on his porch...COULD be he's going to ask you for a cigarette...COULD be he's going to try to sell you some crack...could be he's going to try to rob you so he can afford to buy the crack that the dealer is coming downstairs with ( these guys don't really plan ahead).  i meet all of these with the same casual adjusting of my the belt revealing the pepper spray or sap or whatever i have slipped into my pants in case of an emergency...which reminds me i think i lost my brass knuckles...which are actually pretty useless.  brass knuckles are one of those things that looks cool in the movies but in real life 9 times out of 10 people grab each other while fighting and fall down. having brass knuckles on means you are essentially one handed.  You see things were actually getting pretty bad lately so i welcome the Kings.  at least until a rival gangs realizes what a sweet location this is and they start shooting each other things will calm down a lot.  there will be ONE drug house, ONE or two houses to avoid, you will clearly know who is and isn't a criminal because all the "freelancers" will be run off.  Big organized ganga are kinda like a wal-mart that...shoots people.

  there will even be a place for guys like ME to go with their problems...i certainly can't go to the alderman and complain that my neighbor keeps getting me in trouble with the alderman.  but a gang lord would be able to give this gentleman something to worry about besides whether or not I'm going to start my garage on fire...like whether or not HIS garage is on fire.

Unless the administration has changed i might even see a few familiar faces...just like drawing comic books allows you to meet people from all walks of life...doing auto repair on the side alows you to do the same.  plus Latin folks are amused buy seeing a white guy have to weld his car door shut because the hinges don't work.  i think they view me as the wacky comic relief in their high stress world of gang crime. 

i hope they are prepared for white trash neighbors.  I hope they don't think that because they are out of the inner city they will get a good nights sleep.  the stress of having to sleep with one eye open and watching the shadows will be replaced by the regular domestic disputes between two people that are too ugly to be married to anyone else at 2 am.  2 am is when the bars close and the 87 two tone Toyota fairy comes along a makes sure their car doesn't start.