A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER

enough tie to hang himself OR things that don't matter.

I will now give a spot on and brilliant analysis of the Presidents Speech last night...the truly amazing thing will not be how insightful my analysis is but the fact that I am able to be so insightful having listened to exactly three seconds of it.

I turned it on about half way through and I instantly knew everything I needed to know.  The president was wearing a red and white striped tie.  it wasn't exactly like a candy cane...but it was close.  For those of you who don't know much about ties let me explain the only three that you need.  

SOLID RED- this is a power tie, you wear this when you want to be large and in charge. 

SOLID BLUE- you wear this when you want to appear statesmen like but not overpowering.

YELLOW WITH LINED PATTERN- you wear this when you want to seem thoughtful, bright, knowledgeable.  

any other tie is worn because you don't know anything about ties or you just want to look pretty.  this isn't me making things up, this is how it is.  This is based on perception and color theory and that sort of thing.  look back on presidential debates, speeches, champagnes, you'll see that this is followed closely.  So as I turn on the speech I see the president in a tie that a seventh grader would wear to a dance in the school gym.  what does this tell me?...it tells me I'm sick of politics and I am dreading the next election cycle and I'll tell you why...

I went on a date recently and I spent about 2 hours trying to figure out what to wear because...I didn't want to look like a creep. you see, I'm actually not a creep, I'm actually a hell of a guy, but when you do what I do for a living, and your apartment looks like mine does, and you have a dry, mean sense of humor, and...well frankly you look like I look, it's easy to seem like a creep.  Take a look at that picture of me up there.  Kempo took it and I use it a lot because it's the only one that doesn't make me look like a cereal killer, or malnourished...the camera hates me and I hate it, but she managed to get a decent shot there so it's the one I always use. yet, even in that picture I could be stoned, or drunk, or resting after strangling someone just before strangling a witness. (I was actually just very tired) when you look like that and do what I do and live in the apartment I live in...simple things that people who look like the cast of new moon would do, can come off as very creepy. Dating in general sucks because it's all pointless, it's like pre season football in these sense that nothing you do may actually reflect what you would normally do. you really have to spend a decent amount of time with a person before you know whether or not they have a good heart. think about it...none of the things you analyze while first dating someone really matters to you after you've been with the person for a few months.  

what does that have to do with politics?  everything. the entire presidential campaign is basically a string of first or second dates. the candidates blather on about what they have done, what they are going to do, they try to put themselves in the best possible light and are on their best behavior...sometimes they say or do dumb things out of nerves and sometimes they say or do brilliant things because they know they are being analyzed and reviewed.  but after all is said and done, the commercials, campaigns, and debates may or may not actually reflect who they truly are and how they will truly act after a few months.  so what is the point?  in a few months the senate and congressional elections will be in full swing and we'll see people putting up their best front, we'll vote based on that and end up with someone who in all likely hood is completely different than they acted...then the presidential campaigns will happen and the same results will occur. and i for one just don't want to deal with it anymore.

the president talked for about an hour last night and i can sum it all up for you having not heard more than three seconds of it. 

what did he say? not much. what did it all mean? not much.  there is only one thing we can be certain of...he put an awful lot of thought into that tie.  which says to me he was probably pretty nervous, which means at least we know there's a human being in there somewhere...which is all the more reason not to trust him any farther than we can throw him.

the republicans gave a speech afterwards.  they always do this, have the opposition give a rebuttal speech, and I'll never understand why...we already know they are just going to say- the president was full of crap.  the republican speaker by the way ,in loyal opposition, wore a blue tie with white stripes.    

and the beat goes on...

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