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A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER
it's the circle of life grasshopper
(WARNING DUE TO THE NATURE OF cARRADINES DEATH
THIS BLOG IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY)
as you may or may not know David Carradine of "kill bill" and "Kung Fu" fame was found dead hanging from a nylon rope in his hotel room in Bangkok.
suicide? If you've been reading this blog for a while you know that i know a thing or two about suicide. I've peaked down that dark road. I know the desperation, hopelessness, emotional pain one is in by the time they are contemplating something like this. alot of things have to line up at the wrong time WHILE you are in the worst possible emotional place in order for you to go through with something like that...and even then there has to be an extra factor inside the individual. only about 10% of the people who get to that dark place actually go through with a suicide attempt. given all of that i don't think this was suicide because if he had that extra factor, he should have killed himself about 20 years ago..and then ten years ago and then five years ago.
this guy's life was the perfect storm of suicide. he should have O.D'd at some point after his (kung fu) series got cancelled at a wrap party. or at least have been found dead with a needle in his arm in a crappy hotel off the veags strip 6 months later after his agent stopped returning his calls.
certainly at some point in the eighties if he had a shred of artistic dignity he would have ended it in between "b" movies. and if not then he would have cut his wrists after filming "kung Fu returns" admitting to the world that he is not only washed up has been but a washed up has been who didn't save any money. i'm just saying...this guy obviously isn't the type to kill himself because his artistic vision isn't getting through to the world. he isn't the tortured artist...he did a friggin time traveling cop show for like 6 episodes that i vaguely remember...he was partners with his future son or something like that.
THEN he should have killed himself again with an overdoes after Kill Bill because he once again had enough money for massive amounts of cocaine. and if not then he should have killed himself after the glow of the kill bill movies wore off and he found himself doing commercials for the yellow pages. but no...he calmly did the commercial and was happily waiting for a "kill bill returns" script to fall in his lap sometime in 2014.
so...i am supposed to believe that at the ripe old age of 72 after having numerous times in his life that could be considered low points during which any reasonable person might have killed themselves...he decided to hang himself in a hotel room and leave no note...BEFORE a free lunch. they started to look for him because he missed lunch. if you think he'd kill himself before having the free buffet than you haven't met an actor.
Murder? there are rumors that David was investigating the existence of secret societies. could he have stumbled onto something he shouldn't have? was he about to spill the beens and was murdered before he could? let's imagine that conversation...
come forward agent 113
we have been found out! you must kill this man before he can get to the press (handing him a picture of david)
uhm...this is the kung fu guy.
you know you're right...i just though it looked like him, but it is him isn't it.
so..you want me to
nah...don't bother...i thought he was Ariln Spector.
why bother indeed. (and google alrin spector because that was funny) if david carradine leaked something to the press that DIDN'T border on crackpotism and was something i WANTED to believe, i still wouldn't believe it because it's being told to me by david carradine.
david -i saw Ted Kennedy get drunk and grab a high school cheerleaders boob!"
so...not suicide, not murder. that leaves only...ugh...a sexual escapade that turned ugly. it had been mentioned that David liked weird stuff...asphyxiation and bondage perhaps...he was 72...IS THIS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET OFF WHEN YOU ARE 72?! STOP HAVING SEX. all you people who see the old farts on the viagra commercials or hear that your parents are still having sex or you grandparents...and wonder how they keep the spark alive...well, apparently they TIE EACH OTHER UP FROM A SHOWER CURTIN.
gah! let's do the math here, and then all file a class action lawsuit against the erection pill industry... David grew up in the 60's which was a pretty lose period. i'll even be conservative, and say he was having some sort of sex by 18...he died at 72 that's 54 YEARS OF SEX. and apparently that's how bored you get of doing ANYTHING for 54 years. the pill can give you an erection but it can't get you interested in the act. the same act...again...for year no.54...what can i do to stay interested...
mark my words...as the baby boomers get old we are going to...YOU are all going to find your dead parents in all sorts of horrifying positions having died during all sorts of unspeakable activities because they (the baby boomers especially are the perfect mentality for this) refuse to admit they are old and ugly and need to let it go. so get ready America. keep a pocket knife handy for cutting your dead naked father down from a celing fan and a shoe horn ready to pop the ball gag out of your recently suffocated elderly mothers mouth. because 50 years of ANYTHING is too many. and if they are going to load up on erection pills instead of moving onto gardening it can only end one way. YOU BEING EMOTIONALLY SCARED FOREVER by having to mop the elderly parent shaped silhouette of body lubricant off the basement floor, as the coroner MERCIFULLY zips the body bag shut on your naked ,except for the gimp mask, body of youR father.
happy Monday everybody!
and lest i forget ...go order my new book and tell someone! as some of you may not realize ..and i'm not really sure how this happened, but i have a whole lot of people who read my blog that have never actually picked up an issue of my comic book...i write a very very very funny and DARK comic book called Arsenic Lullaby.
but if you want to make sure you get a copy of the new one you must tell your store now.
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE RESERVED YOUR COPY PERSONALLY AT YOUR LOCAL COMIC BOOK STORE...any of you who i know read this blog, who e-mail me in the middle of july asking how to get the book will be forbidden from ever reading an issue again, and ordered to burn all their back issues.
NOW for you ambitious people he's are something that should help
Here are four poster/flyers that you can download (right click and save or print)
we are giving you permission to post these on your web pages, print them and stick them where ever you think it'll help comic book store, break room, coffee shop, concert hall, ect ect ect.
if you are a store you can print them up by the dozens and insert them in people bags who are fans of this sort of thing.
you may NOT alter these images. you may adjust the size.
AND ONCE AGAIN....HERE'S EVERY THING YOUR STORE NEEDS TO KNOW
distributed by diamond comics
listed in diamond comics previews magazine (pg 180)
published by A.L. Publishing
title-arsenic lullaby pulp edition Omega