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 I'm watching t.v. and this Ke$ha (that's how she spells it, and who am i to judge) broad's video comes on. 

 for about 5 minutes i stare into the middle distance of the set and watch this blonde who by any standard is smoking hot.  gorgeous eyes, gorgeous hair, perfect body, beautiful smile, skin without a single blemish.  i watch her wiggle and writhe around to the music hopping and kicking and mugging for the camera...occasionally seductively ruffling her hair...She oozes sexuality, and beauty, as though she was genetically engineered to produce erections upon sight. 

and i think to myself..."who's this loopy c*nt?" and "how old am i that not for one single second was i interested in sleeping with her"

Is it that i'm clearly a decade or so older than she is?...nah.  i think maybe it's that the whole package is just too perfect.  she's so "pop beautiful" that she is invisible to my libido.  maybe that's it...and yet I'm sure a much younger Doug would have his tongue on the floor and grown fangs at the sight of her.

she is beautiful no doubt about that...probably even better looking naked.  probably even has a little diamond or something trimed into her pubic hair.  and yet...i couldn't produce one single sexual thought about her. perhaps it's her attitude...skipping around like she the world is hers for the taking "the  party don't start til i walk in" she sang. her and i couldn't be more different.  i would walk in and tell everyone to shut the fuck up and get out of my house.  Our brief relationship would be like that of the grinch and suzie lue who...if the grinch knocked her up and moved out of state.  actually getting her pregnant was the only thought that even brought a smile to my face.  "that'd shut her up" i thought to myself.

but then i'd have to sleep with her.  which i envisioned to be a simply dreadful experience.  first off she'd smell like candy lipstick, i'm SURE she'd spend half the time whipping her hair back and forth, concentrating on giving me seductive looks, and playing with her own tits.  "shut up" "stop looking at me" are phrases I've used before but there would be no joy in them this time.  i do believe I'd have to fake an orgasm. 

my question is...does this say more about me or about her.  is she just so plastic and perfect as to be unattractive?  or am i just old and disgruntled?

You're first thought upon seeing her might be "oh she'll be forgotten in six weeks anyway"  but i said that about britney spears ten years ago and we still haven't gotten rid of her ass.

although...i wanted to sleep with spears.  this broad...i dunno, she produces zero interest.

it's like someone's blowing a dog whistle.  i know it's producing sound, but i just can't hear it.

i know she's hot but i don't want to screw her.


Racheal Maddow, the progressive auto insurance lady and lady gaga stop me dead in my tracks but looing at this ke$ha broad was like looking at one of those 3d posters that the people can see the image in after a long enough stare.

stare....stare...stare.."oh yeah...there it is, an airplane...BFD"

I should probably stop posting these blogs and just start sending them to a shrink.



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