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A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER

Where's my red star?

So I'm sitting in my crappy apartment and thinking...well, first i'm thinking a wish I could bring inanimate objects to life so i could hurt them. Like my toaster oven that never closes right and when i open it to check my food, a little bell dings signaling that i have now opened the door to far and i will spend the next two minutes trying to get it to close while my food, that was almost done, completely cools off AND probably burning myself in the process.  I wish i could bring it to life and hear it scream as i jab it with a screwdriver.  

I'd like to do the same thing to my headphones.  or maybe just find the guy who invented those stupid headphones that go inside your ear like earplugs instead of over them like little earmuffs.  these stupid things never stay in and without the metal clamp that goes over your head, which also serves to keep the two sides from tangling up...they constantly tangle up.  I'd like to find the guy who created those things and beat him in the face with a shovel.  not just at random. i want him to go through a day with me and every time the headphone falls out OR gets tangled up i stop what i am doing and smash him in the face.  this way he can see how useless these things are and i want him to dread their inevitable shortcomings as much as i do.  i want to see his face as the fuckin things get tangled up for the 15th time today and see him drop to his knees and cover his face and beg "no please don't hit me again...i see now they are useless"  and then a smash him again.

the second thing i was thinking is that we should all kill ourselves for the existence of "flava flav" the fact that he is rich and on t.v. and not living in a cardboard box is just fucking shameful. i'm popping through the channels and i see this guy on t.v.  i knew he had a show but until i saw it i just never gave it any thought.  this guy has a 45 word vocabulary and he can't actually pronounce any of the 45 words correctly.  he's wandering around three I.Q. points below the retard at the grocery store and yet he 

A. is rich 

B. has a t.v. show

C. judges the character of other people on that show...honestly i turned it off before i saw very much but i'm guessing he's ether going to pick one of these broads and merry her or he is teaching them how to be hip.  i dunno all i know is all you liberals out there embracing the wave of socialism and erosion of our rights...let's make some deals here.

1-no i.d. cards to vote (because you all claim it is discriminatory) BUT you cannot broadcast over fcc airwaves, through cable or otherwise mass communicate unless you have at least an High School education/GED or everything that comes out of your mouth is written by someone who has.  do you realize how much of what we watch is just inane babbling and worthless opinions of people who are flat out sub human? Flava flav is a fuckin primate. WOAH! did you just call a black guy a primate!??? no...i called a primate a primate.  If i was black and someone said that Flav Flav was part of my race i'd punch that person right in the face.  I dare anyone to disagree with me.  ...i want you to imagine that you are locked in a jail and the keys are on a hook across the room.  you have two options for help bringing the keys over, finding the right key and unlocking your cell before the warden gets back without being able to speak because the warden will hear you...you can only use hand motions or pantomime....you can have a trained monkey or flava flav. Who would you pick?  If you chose the monkey you WIN!  if you chose flava flav you got to yell "sshhh!!!" and wave your hand wildly signaling to be quiet as Flav flav say "yo, dees like a billion keys on dis mug..."

and yet this retard has a t.v. show that is watched across the country.  and he's not the only one...what's his face from that shitty hair band has some show called the rock of love, and i'll even throw in every single person who's ever answered a man on the street interview for a cable news show as evidence that we need a law banning the stupid from mass communicating.  it is perhaps our countries biggest problem.

i'll tell you why 1-they are so fucking stupid that the ordinary stupid people begin to think they are smart. do i need to explain the repercussions from that?

2-it creates a culture of speak your mind regardless of whether or not you know anything about the subject at hand.  we are becoming a nation of people who don't consider whether or not their opinion is valid before they give it.  it used to be if someone asked you about something that you knew nothing about you would decline to comment.  Now if you stick a microphone in the face of some fat broad at a grocery store in pink sweatpants that say "boodylicious" across the ass "what do you think the geo political ramifications will be if Japan decides to put up a missile defense system?"  the FUCKING DUMB BITCH WILL ACTUALLY GIVE YOU AN ANSWER.  with a 85 I.Q. a shopping cart full of family sized junkfood for her five kids who are waiting in her 92 toyota with one blue door and a black garbage bag tapped in place of a passenger side window...she will look into the camera AND GIVE AN OPINION.  this should be punishable by law!  i would rather have Howard Stern talk about dog dildos 24 hours a day than have all these assholes out there  who haven't wathed more that 15 minutes of news since their brother in law went missing being encouraged to give their opinions.  and if YOU are the person who puts the microphone in the face of someone without a High School education you get your license pulled.  

I am presenting an extreme case ...but don't be that girl, don't be that guy.  don't be the dope that's coming home from a kegger or a concert and answers some question about the president of Columbia...or our president...or anything except a kegger or the concert you just went to.  You are making a fool of yourself, AND you are encouraging other people, perhaps people even more ignorant than you to speak up in the future. It lowers the bar...instead of giving us examples of bright knowledgeable thoughtful people we are getting "boodylicious" saying "Japan makes lots of good cars beside the GEO".  that bitch thinks she said something that made sense...YOU (me anyone) are always the last person to realize that you (me anyone) is making an asshole out of themselves... 

so i'm not looking down on people...i'm just saying that in the grand scheme of things there are probably only 2 or 3 specific subjects that you (each of us) knows enough about for our opinions to count enough to have them broadcast. the next time you are presented with a man on the street interview just decline it...and scold them for not doing any actual reporting...remind the "reporter" that opinions are not news.  and that actual news is going on 24-7 on every corner of the globe and you interviewing people walking by regardless of their qualifications is almost sedition.

Back to flava flav...all you libs want to eat the rich...well let's use at actual model of communism...let's stop fuckin around and flat out jump to communism where we are all TESTED and GIVEN JOBS BY THE GOVERNMENT.  you know what's going to happen?  the rich banker is still going to be a banker because he has a skill and works 80 hours a week....but the flava flavs of the world will be burned up in bread ovens...(yeah that was communism also ... what you didn't know that STALIN killed more people than Hitler? and well that's because you don't know alot of things...and please remember that). 

This is a sales pitch you could use to actually get some of us on board.  sit me down and say "look...you're going to lose all sorts of rights, and the government is going to be able to tell you what to eat, how often to exercise, and who you can screw and what form of birth control to use because they are paying for your health care...which is shitty health care because there is no longer any money in it because the government runs it so everybody with a brain has gone to school for something OTHER than the health care field...and you have to wait in line forever just like the DMV...BUT...flava fla will no longer be living in a mansion with a gold studded novelty clock around his neck covered in diamonds wearing a ridiculous suit and top hat like Liberace and the monopoly guy had a child (in know Liberace is an old reference but look it up) he will in fact be shoveling coal into a furnace and when the coal runs out we are shoving him in to keep it lit until Rosy O'donnel is lead in with a barrel full of coal for the next shoveler Madonna to take over.

My point is ...you wanna go communist...let's do it.  I can find a silver linning to every cloud.  the first thing the communists ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS DO is get rid of the artists, musicians, and reporters- anyone with a high public profile...and at this point that works just fine for me, i'll gladly stop any creative endeavor and weld the tanks for our good leaders to run over the MTV studios with.

 

comments? concerns?

douglaspasz@gmail.com

myspace.com/douglasarseniclullaby

www.arseniclullabies.com