can we please turn our backs to these people

Up until last night I actually never heard much of bill hicks, all I know about him is the few minutes of his act I heard here and there and that some of you think he is an icon.  So I listened to one of his cds (knowing that I am jaded I was sure to take into account that a good comedian can seem crappy if he is over hyped)  totally prepared to hear a average comedian…What I heard was a slightly less than average comedian who isn't (wasn't) fit to hold Sam Kinisons lighter. 

 Let's start with the rhythm structure and timing of a joke…go listen to George carlin and then take another try at hicks, you'll clearly see he has no writing ability at all.  Revolutionary?  Angry? Angst filled? This guy is flat out dull.  Go listen to Richard lewis "I'm exhausted"  go listen to Sam Kinison "louder than Hell", go listen to george carlin "class clown" Hicks is a shadow of these men.  All he did is go up and cry and bitch... I know, I know that is the beauty of him, except for the fact that I can listen to Adam corolla do it better for four hours a day.  And by the way Adam Corolla bitches and gives equally funny solutions, Hicks points out a lot of stuff that is wrong that he dosen't like…uhn…this makes him great why?

BUT let's talk about his bitching…the "beauty" of his "ACT"…the philosopher/revolutionary that is BILL HICKS.  What is he actually saying that is so deep and profound? anyone? anyone? Don't trust the government…they are all out to get us? We are consumer whores?  Everybody already knows that.  This guy isn't even scratching the surface of giving the establishment the finger that george carlin was doing fourty years ago. This guy is a revolutionary like Kevin smith is a filmmaker. if you've seen apocalypse now, "jersey girl" just dosen't seem like much.  His rants are just "dick jokes' without the dick…you take out the dick and insert rush Limbaugh or jerry falwell…it's just shock humor about a different subject.  Here…here is Andrew dice clay "hickory dickory dock, this chick was sucking my cock"  now here is Hicks- "Rush Limbaugh is a shit eater". Same same.

ALSO (and this goes for Patton Oswald and every other sorry excuse for a stand up comedian puking up rhetoric in front of a brick wall) making fun of the president or the government is really brave…if you live in a communist country…but this is the U.S.A…we have been making fun of the government since BEFORE WE FUCKING HAD ONE.  Doing this is not courageous it is boring, uninspired and lazy…especially when you do it on a very superficial just scratching the surface sort of way.

Here is how you know you are dealing with an asshole…THIS is the ASSHOLE FORMULA…

one unhappy person-sees a group of happy people-analyzes why they are happy-hates them for it. 

 Bill Hicks is just an unhappy douche-bag, like many before him, and what they all fail to realize before they do themselves in, is that the philosophy's they are hating are the ones that could be making them happy.  Look people, trust your fucking eyes.  The people being made fun of right now are wholesome god fearing middle America. Go on my "top friends" click on "the Barrs" they are a family of gospel singers…they believe the bible, they believe in God, they are patriotic, they go to church, the love each other, they try to be good people.  Bill hicks, rest his hollow unfulfilled soul,   would look at them and go off on a tangent about how they are right with pro-lifers and fascists…you know what? He's fuckin dead and they are all alive and happy leading full lives and making the world a little better than it was when they got here.  They are happy, he died alone, so did Thompson…which is better than some people who find groups who are happy, and hate them for it…some people kill them.  Yes I am comparing him with the KKK and Hitler, it is the same dousche-bag asshole mentality just controlled by a less motivated person.  You're happy, I'm not- I hate you as a whole instead of trying to make my life better. 

Finally you can all stop the fairy tales about Thompson, and Cobain, and the like...the -"they killed themselves because they couldn't change things…or because they couldn't accept things or where to big for this petty planet"…no they killed themselves because they were lonely assholes who took too many drugs.  Most lonely assholes who take too many drugs end up killing themselves.

 Look people ignore these assholes, and stop listening to them.  I'm calling it "morbid envy"…we all know what morbid curiosity is right?  Well morbid envy will be were you see someone who is fucked up or miserable or filled with angst and it seems charming and cool in a poetic romantic sort of way, and you sort of wish you had some of that in you or wish that the some of it you have was that intense…WELL KNOCK IT OFF.  It's not cool and romantic…I have lived a very interesting and full life, I've been in jail, in a physciatic hospital, I went to high school in the ghetto, I've been friends with mayors and crack dealers, policemen, bi polar manic depressants, athletes and junkies, and I can tell you this if I could be anyone I'd be a "Barr" not a "hicks". 

Be happy…hang out with happy people, find a philosophy that keeps you on track and ignore whoever thumbs there nose at it.  Life is too…TOO SHORT to worry about justifying yourself to every asshole who doesn't get it.  I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, you never hear me getting into an argument about it because I don't feel the need to defend a philosophy that has helped form western civilization and stood the test of it's words for centuries from some dipshit who heard some dipshit priest screwed a five year old.  It is okay to believe in things…and you would be writers out there remember this because when you try to write about something you don't believe in or know very little about it usually sucks, you have to have some personal closeness to the material or it will come across as non-comitial and lazy…it is okay to be patriotic.  Who's the bigger asshole, the guy who loves his country even though he doesn't agree with everything it does, or the guy who hates his 200 year old country because he dosen't agree with the last 8 years.

In closing Bill Hicks was a slightly below average comedian and I'm glad he's dead, it's one less asshole trying to tell us to be an asshole like him instead of happy like them.