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 A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER

 

        

"Thanksgiving"

I'm starting my campaign now, while this years dreadful ordeal is still fresh in all of your minds...to END Thanksgiving.

It is silly for us to celebrate this day, and i'm not some liberal arts major who read a book, or a pamphlet going on about how we slaughtered indians or what really happened that day...look you hippies, no one cares, and that isn't really the reason we need to stop celebrating. and by the way, i'll say it again, the indians were not dough eyed innocents who got tricked out of their land. they were dangerous, shrewd, and conieving...just like ALL people...they just kept picking the wrong horse until they ran out of horses.

but we can get into that some other time...as i said, no one actually gives a damn why thanksgiving was started beyond making sure the pilgrim/indian salt shakers are on the table. let's analyze WHY we claim to celebrate this day and what's good about it WITH THE SPOTLIGHT OF WHAT ACTUALLY WENT ON IN OUR LIVES JUST THIS PAST WEEK shining brightly one each one.

-giving thanks- thanks for what? we thank our veterans on vets day, we have anniversaries, birthdays, mothers day, fathers day and family reunions to be thankful for our families, we have labor day to be thankful for our jobs, and april 15th is when we get to be thankful for whatever else is left. so the very premise has been made obsolete by the glut of other holidays.

Family- , look...be honest with yourself here...did you enjoy yourself more talking with old uncle eddie than you did staring at your t. v. the previous night? aside from morbid curiosity? if you really enjoyed the company of these people you wouldn't need a holiday to remember to hang out with them. I enjoy the company of my friends Joe, and Chris...and so i see them often, i don't wait for a specific day on the calendar. going to the DMV is something i do because of a specific day on the calander...and Thanksgiving with relatives is just about as much fun as the DMV.

in fact it's very similar in allot of ways...no matter when you get there it seems like it takes forever to get to the main event (dinner or getting to the window) you have the same conversation every time, it's poorly lit, the music is awful and you spend your time hoping no one too horrible sits next to you.

so you can throw out family and giving thanks...what's left?

Food- turkey is awful...it's dry and actually leaves a weird aftertaste in your mouth.

"oh you just gotta get good/enough gravy!"

...then why don't we just drink the gravy?...or why not put the gravy on a better choice of meat?! turkey...sucks...or you'd eat it all the time! same as i said about family...if you actually liked it you wouldn't need to be reminded to eat it. McDonalds would have a turkey sandwich, is there a kentucky fried turkey? . have you ever went to a fancy restaurant and ordered "turkey"?! OF COURSE NOT! YOU ORDER STEAK! OR SALMON! OR DUCK"...no one orders the turkey because turkey ...SUCKS!

and you can get cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and all the rest at x-mass dinner.

Football- okay ...there are football games on...it's a long standing NFL tradition to have a couple football games played on thanksgiving even though it's a thursday...of course now EVERY WEEK they have football games on thursday, AND monday...AND during the playoffs they even have saturday games so...football on a thursday BFD. and you don't even really get to watch the game because of "family", 75% of which don't care about the game...the vital 75% ...children pets and wives...the three elements that can make the most noise and distractions and need the most attention while you try to see/hear what is going on on the field.

so football food family and giving thanks are all moot points.

it is no longer the official beginning of the holiday season because radio stations start playing x-mass music long before that and stores put up their X-mass displays the second their halloween displays are boxed up. It won't be long before stores start having a "pre-black friday sale" so...what's the point. Thanksgiving is the bastard child of all holidays and if you want to tack on the fact that everyone at the original thanksgiving was looking to eventually fuck over the other guy there is even less point to it all.

Here's all you have to know ...there is a big spike in suicides during the holiday season...and by holiday season we all really mean x-mass and new years...no one gets lonely and miserable and offs themselves because of thanksgiving ...because it doesn't matter. it's a limp, pointless, weightless holiday so much so that even the most dire victim of depression can manage to push through turkey day. Vets day, fourth of july ...people kill themselves ...haunted by tragic memories, birthdays of loved ones who have passed on, anniversaries that now only mark time of what could have been, valentines day and x-mass as you watch seemingly the whole world walk hand in hand with loved ones, new years days that remind you how wrong things went in the previous year and how hopeless the future looks ...these are holidays that make people kill themselves...HELL, EVEN GROUNDHOG DAY might have caused a suicide or two as someone with seasonal deficiency disease learns there's 6 more weeks of winter. but thanksgiving...feh! i suffer from depression, i've considered suicide x-mass is a struggle for me emotionally, and i can tell you...i am so busy spending thanksgiving avoiding family and "celebration" and "food" and everything that was listed as a reason for celebrating thanksgiving in the first place...that offing myself doesn't even cross my mind.

so i say...let's off Thanksgiving. we got enough going on between halloween and new years. Thanksgiving is just a pointless sub pare pain in the ass and we all know it.

 

comments? concerns?

douglaspasz@gmail.com

myspace.com/douglasarseniclullaby

www.arseniclullabies.com


 

 

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