isn't the answer"
that a lot, usually from people who have zero idea what you are
going through. I know what you’re going through, so I’m NOT
going to tell you that.
to tell you the truth…no one knows if it’s the answer, but there
is only one irreversible way to find out that it isn’t.
your life has led you to the point where you are ready to find
out, we can also assume based on your judgment, luck or the way
the dice are rolling for you, that anything you do is probably
going to turnout badly. SO …doing something irreversible that’s
bad …would be bad, and irreversible. You’re at the dark, bleak,
painful rock bottom. You are at the lowest emotional point man
is capable of reaching, accept the fact… that because of all
this, your head is not in the game and there may be variables
you’re not considering that could be made worse. If you’re life
went to hell while you were in charge of it…you are clearly not
qualified to decide if this is a good time to end it.
about that gut wrenching pain that you cannot shake? That isn’t
going away and needs to be dealt with NOW?
some things to try to ease it long enough to get your head
anything you want. Quit smoking three years ago? fuck it, smoke
a cigarette. Eat a cheeseburger that’s full of cholesterol.
spend your last 9 dollars on a movie…or sneak in. do something,
anything. Something small…and enjoy it. Enjoy it as though it’s
the last time you will ever do it. Because that’s what we are
talking about here right? Do some small thing that you enjoy as
though it’s the last time and realize how great that small thing
is…and realize you can do it again tomorrow.
anyone. Call someone and vent, cry, scream. Is it 3:00 am? Who
gives a fuck, wake someone up…because you can bet your ass that
person you are afraid to wake up will be the first asshole at
your funeral lamenting that they wished they could have done
3- Get the
fuck out of the house. Don’t stay isolated with dark thoughts in
a place where there is no one around as a contrast. Get out and
go to a store, a fast food restaurant. Don’t have any money?
Fuck it, order a water and sit there, Go to a library, go
somewhere crowded…if nothing else, the noise, the obnoxious
superficial problems you overhear against your will, will at
least get you annoyed at your fellow man instead of focused on
your own problems.
an argument. I don’t mean something meaningful and emotionally
draining …I mean some silly flame war on the internet. You’ll
full of anxiety, and while it feels like you are drained and
exhausted, you’re actually full of energy that you have no
outlet for. Your engine is overheating and stalling out. You
have to burn out the fuel. Get on the internet and argue about
Rutherford B Hayes or sponge bob square pants being better than
Ren and Stimpy. Argue and get into over something. Use up that
energy on something that isn’t going to keep you focused on what
brought you to this point.
Find something that makes you laugh and watch it. Don’t turn on
some sad music, or a movie that’s going to help you pick at the
wounds. Find something that will force a laugh out of you.
…repeat. You can always kill yourself later…you can always kill
yourself later…you can always kill yourself LATER. You will
always have that option, until you use it. You might as well
just do one more thing…and one more thing…
***So, yeah, depending on where you live, the going out into a
crowd thing might not be an option, nor the going to a
restaurant. You'll have to get creative. The goal and point
being that being around people tends to turn the mind outward
instead of inward...and that's what you want.
pitfall to avoid, given the current playing field, is looking around and seeing that
others seem to have it worse and thinking you're problems are not
worth bringing up. They are, just because they wouldn't make the
news doesn't mean you don't have a right or need to let them
Lot's of people who ended up killing themselves didn't think
they're problems were worth bringing up and they held them in
until they wore away at them emotionally over and over and now
they're fucking dead.
Second pitfall to avoid is thinking anyone is noticing your
pain. I'm giving it to you straight here...they are not.
On a good year people are blindly self involved, this
year....multiply that by ten. No amount of hints, or red
flags is going to make a single dent in anyone in your life's
inability to notice someone else is at the end of their rope.
SO...if you need help, ask for it. and...trust me on
this...fuck worrying about being a burden.
Keep yourself busy, keep yourself around people, and if you
don't have anyone to confide in or even talk to...find a
stranger. This works more often than you'd think.
worst case senario...come to me douglaspasz At
arseniclullabies.com I'm not a therapist, or even a good person,
but I am someone who knows what it's like to be a breath away
from ending it all. You'll be talking to a jerk, but you'll be
talking to a jerk who understands where you are at.
having something on the calander will help, I'll be doing a
livestream with a few comedian buddies of mine (who also know a
thing or two about emotional pain) X-mas night 6:30 CST. I
wont gaurentee anything about the broadcast other than we'll be
there live, getting through the day as best we can, just like
-I've set up an A.L. Xmas Bomb Shelter discord channel. You
remember internet chat rooms? Well that's what discord is.
I haven't done much with it all year, but I'll be there pretty often
this week and you're welcome to hang out...vent if you want or
just clown around and have fun. I'll probably be posting
pics of stuff I'm working on.
-contact me on
Discord, user name - ArsenicLullaby#2207 and I'll send you
the invite code, and we'll hang out. Have
any trouble figuring it out, contact me through regular email
and I'll walk you throught it...no worries.