A Stranger's Voice
I know you're out there
I've been where you're at
Suicide emergency instructions
"Suicide isn't the answer."
You hear that a lot, usually from people who have zero idea what you are going through. I know what you're going through, so I'm NOT going to tell you that.
I'm going to tell you the truth...no one knows if it's the answer, but there is only one irreversible way to find out that it isn't.
Assuming your life has led you to the point where you are ready to find out, we can also assume based on your judgment, luck or the way the dice are rolling for you that anything you do is probably going to turnout badly. SO ...doing something irreversible that's bad ...would be bad, and irreversible. You're at the dark, bleak, painful rock bottom. You are at the lowest emotional point man is capable of reaching, accept the fact that because of all this your head is not in the game and there may be variables you're not considering that could be made worse. If you're life went to hell while you were in charge of it...you are clearly not qualified to decide if this is a good time to end it.
So, what about that gut wrenching pain that you cannot shake? That isn't going away and needs to be dealt with NOW?
Here are some things to try to ease it long enough to get your head together.
1-do anything you want. Quite smoking three years ago? fuck it, smoke a cigarette. Eat a cheeseburger that's full of cholesterol. spend your last 9 dollars on a movie...or sneak in. do something, anything. Something small...and enjoy it. Enjoy it as though it's the last time you will ever do it. Because that's what we are talking about here right? Do some small thing that you enjoy as though it's the last time and realize how great that small thing is...and realize you can do it again tomorrow.
2- Vent...to anyone. Call someone and vent, cry, scream. Is it 3:00 am? Who gives a fuck, wake someone up...because you can bet your ass that person you are afraid to wake up will be the first asshole at your funeral lamenting that they wished they could have done something.
3- Get the fuck out of the house. Don't stay isolated with dark thoughts in a place where there is no one around as a contrast. Get out and go to a store, a fast food restaurant. Don't have any money? Fuck it, order a water and sit there, Go to a library, go somewhere crowded...if nothing else the noise, the obnoxious superficial problems you overhear against your will,will at least get you annoyed at your fellow man instead of focused on your own problems.
4-Get in an argument. I don't mean something meaningful and emotionally draining ...I mean some silly flame war on the internet. You're full of anxiety, and while it feels like you are drained and exhausted, you're actually full of energy that you have no outlet for. Your engine is overheating and stalling out. You have to burn out the fuel. Get on the interent and argue about Rutherford B hayes or sponge bob square pants being better than Ren and Stimpy. Argue and get into it over something. Use up that energy on something that isn't going to keep you focued on what brought you to this point.
5- Laugh. Find something that makes you laugh and watch it. Don't turn on some sad music, or a movie that's going to help you pick at the wounds. Find something that will force a laugh out of you.
Rinse ...repeat. You can always kill yourself later...you can always kill yourself later...you can always kill yourself LATER. You will always have that option, until you use it. You might as well just do one more thing...and one more thing...
See you tomorrow.
Douglas also made these points and others in a curt but thoughtful manner in a previous podcast that is well worth a listen HERE
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